When we hesitate and a moment of choice or opportunity passes us by, we can sometimes feel the weight of that unborn universe being crushed within us.

This is the phrase I coined for myself to describe that utter down feeling of disappointment and failure through inaction. More specifically when i failed to initiate conversation with a girl in the bank line. I made myself feel better by saying to myself that I would go do some shopping first, and walk back passed the bank again. If the universe wanted me to talk to her I would surely meet her again.

As I am rehearsing this false parable in my head, I look up and we pass each other in the street, even locking eyes for a brief moment. By the time I realize what has happened and regained the power of speech, she is well passed me. Further compounding the feeling of muck.

This weighed heavily on me for the next few days, the words I coined burning themselves into my brain. Then one day waiting for the train home, there was a girl [a different girl]. I noticed her blond hair, big eyes and skinny jeans. I feel she noticed me too. A familiar monster started to grow in my stomach, its name was anxiety. I spent the next 25 minutes waiting for my train, stealing glances and expecting her to get on any train but mine.

Our train arrives, we both get on. The cabin is packed and we are both forced to stand, but there are enough people there that i can't see her anymore, I am somewhat relieved. Although my new mantra returns. One stop before mine, the cabin is reshuffled and all of a sudden I find I am standing next to the girl that has me raptured. The mantra kicks into overdrive. The universe surely has a bizarre sense of humour.

FUCK IT. I remove my earbuds and blindly reach into my bag, tearing out a piece of paper. I feel the eyes of everyone is on me as I hastily scribble a note that reads:

"Hi, I feel really weird talking on trains, but I’d really like to talk to you some more = )
could I get your number?"

I put the note out, beginning to reach into her personal space so that she knows its for her. She looks up into my face, slightly puzzled, I gaze back with a gentle smile and a nod, assuring her she is not mistaken. For the briefest of moments the monster in my stomach is gone, as i see her reading the note, and then over once more.

I see that what she has just read is taking hold as she stiffens slightly and looks up, i raise my eyebrows immeasurably and cock my head as if to ask, and so..? The sides of her mouth crinkle in as she tries to stifle a nervous but hopeful smile and nods. In this moment i love this girl.

I hand over my pen and she scribbles down her phone number, passing the note and pen back to me. Now there are definitely people watching, I'm not imaging things. 2 minutes from my stop, I try to act cool. Nothing of significance has just gone down here, inside I am screaming.

The train doors part, I smile at her as i pass, she smiles back, and I step outside back into the cold, feeling like a superhero.

[link]